During my journey to be like Jesus, I have prayed to know the heart of God. I want to feel the sorrow He feels when He looks at lost humanity. People are wandering aimlessly through life, seeking for enlightenment, while The Light of the World is patiently waiting to illuminate the shadows. The hunger for pleasure to fill the aching emptiness will never be appeased because they are not searching for the only One who gives “fullness of joy and pleasure forever more.” God has allowed me to feel a tiny bit of his grief for the condition of mankind because He knows I could not handle the total burden. I lay awake at night crying for a world that does not know Him.
Recently, I felt betrayed by a friend. I felt that this friend should have known it would hurt, they should have understood my heart. I said “God what are you trying to do to me?” As I cried in self-pity, God reminded me that I had prayed to feel what He feels. He was betrayed by a friend. Judas kissed him on one cheek as he held out his hand for a bag of money. This friend had walked with him for three years. He should have understood His heart. This friend should have shared His burden.
But God, I just want to feel your love for mankind, I want to witness and see souls filled with your Spirit, I didn’t mean your whole heart. You didn’t have to get personal. I want to share in the “power of your resurrection”; I didn’t sign on for the “fellowship of your suffering.” God taught me something that day. If I want to truly know Him, it’s a package deal. Thank you God for your patience as you teach me to be more like You. Remind me that You have a great plan for me and you are helping me to be worthy of the calling.
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