♪♪ “I give myself away, I give myself away, so You can use me”♪♪.  The song softly played in the background as I cleaned the house.  Oh, I know about giving myself away; you better believe I know!  I’m a Wife, Mom and Grandma and some days it seems that everyone wants a piece of me until I feel like a jigsaw puzzle that has been scattered.  So YES, I understand perfectly what this song is saying.

For years, I also lived this way spiritually; giving myself away.  Before you throw out the accolades or judge me, let me explain.  I grew up “giving myself away.”  I am the oldest of 6 kids.  My little sister, the third of six was born when I was 5; I became “Mommy’s Little Helper.”  When my baby sister was born, I was 12 and became her second mom.  I could change diapers, polish white baby shoes, clean up puke and brush hair like a pro.  I remember losing at board games so the “little ones” wouldn’t feel bad and would continue playing.  It was very confusing, the first time I played a game with “Cutthroat” Steve.  He was the baby of the family and I didn’t understand his rules.  Several years later I read, “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman and realized that my Love Language is “Acts of Service.”  I finally began to understand myself.

Back to the spiritual aspect of my life; now that you know who I am, is it any wonder I thought that was what God expected of me?  If I gave myself to praying, teaching, singing, study, volunteering, perfect church attendance, organizing, encouraging and anything else I could “do for God,” then surely I was fulfilling His plan for me.  After all, it was “FOR GOD!”  Why then, did I feel so exhausted, frustrated and unfulfilled?  Where was all the joy that comes from “working for God?”  I had no more pieces to give yet I felt as if there was something more from me that God was seeking.

One day, I don’t remember exactly when or how, the loving voice of God finally broke through my misconceptions and exhausted efforts, “It’s not what you can DO for Me that I am seeking, it is you; give YOURSELF to Me.”  What a relief!!!!  It wasn’t easy; in fact sometimes “doing for the Lord,” was much less draining.  Giving myself to God literally meant “Giving Myself Away.”  I had to let go of my dreams, aspirations, ideas and opinions.  It was of utmost importance that I present to God a vessel totally empty of me so it could be filled with Him.  I had to GIVE MYSELF AWAY. 

It’s been quite a journey and there were some dreams that were so hard to release.  I wanted to cling to some of my interpretations of life because they had become my foundation.  At times I mourned the loss of position and yearned for the days of “working for God.”  There are still bits and pieces of me that try to take control but every day I learn how to “give away” just a little more.  Nothing can replace the feel of His Presence, the joy of hearing His voice, and knowing His hand is guiding my steps. I still love to sing praises to His Name, I still feel the urging to minister and bless someone in need and every time an opportunity presents itself, I love to teach the Word of God.  The difference?  It’s about Him; His Plan for me; He is leading the way.

♪♪ “Take my heart; take my life, as a living sacrifice.  All my dreams, all my plans, Lord I place them in your hands.”  “I give myself away; I give myself away, so You can use me.  I give myself away; I give myself away, so You can use me.” ♪♪ (William McDowell)