I NEED TO FEEL

A typical Friday in December, a little warmer than usual, but pulling on a jacket I headed out to get in some early morning, last minute Christmas shopping.  The clerks were slow and untrained.  My irritation level rose as, grumbling to my fellow shopper, I waited in line behind a woman who’s entire Christmas layaway had been lost.  Finally, on the road to the next destination, only to sit through 2 traffic lights as crazy people collecting for charity wove their way through the gathering holiday traffic.  I passed the mall and for just a moment considered…but no, I didn’t have the patience and a tiny atom of apprehension urged me to drive on by.  Finally home, I decided a workout would ease the stress and burning a few calories during the holidays is always a good decision.  It was a typical Friday morning except that once again a small piece of our world was being transformed by evil.

The reports began to cross the newswires.  Like most I was horrified; glued to the television, I waited for the endless updates, misinformation, corrections, interviews, press conferences and pictures.  Suddenly, I reached “Emotional Overload.”  My mind could handle no more.  Switching off the television, I sat weeping; horrified, in pain and sad, very sad.  It didn’t make sense…the innocent babies, a dedicated principal, school teacher, counselor…why?

Wherever you looked, whatever media source was tuned in, television, radio, face book…the shooting in Newtown, CT had consumed our lives.  We asked questions; we searched for answers; WHY?  Perhaps we could blame violent video games, mental illness, bad parenting, guns, taking prayer out of schools, removing God from a political platform, booing God at a political convention, or our President declaring the United States to no longer be a Christian Nation.   Many turned to prayer; others asked, “Where was God?” and “How could a loving God allow such evil?”  O’Reilly stated it was “Pure evil” but in Geraldo’s opinion, “Evil couldn’t begin to explain this action.”  We searched for answers to our WHY, but there were none.

Saturday morning; I could not turn on the television and instead filled the room with soft Praise & Worship music.  I didn’t want to feel anymore.  I didn’t want to weep; I wanted the horror, the pain; the sadness to disappear.  Where was the Christmas joy, laughter, excitement?  I wanted “Peace on Earth, Good will to Men.”  Then I suddenly realized, I NEED TO FEEL!!!

 I NEED TO FEEL the horror that such evil lurks in the darkest places of tortured minds.  I NEED TO FEEL the pain of loss that so many families are experiencing during this season.  I NEED TO FEEL the sadness of living in a world that has carelessly tossed God’s love aside to satisfy their own pursuits.  You see the real danger is in becoming numb, no longer caring, unable to feel the horror, the pain; the sadness of a lost and dying world.

Although at times I may be overwhelmed, let me feel horror at the destruction sin leaves behind; allow the pain that drives me to my knees as I view a world of hopeless, searching people.  As the tears fill my eyes and the sadness envelops me, “break my heart for what breaks yours.”  I NEED TO FEEL!!!