GRACE SPEECH

I was about 12 or 13 when I first heard the phrase, “No offense, but.”  I still remember the exact place and who said it and the event we were discussing…Isn’t it strange that the phrase would still ring in my head 40+ years later? I was having a teenage-girl conversation with my friend Brenda Carol about, of course, BOYS!!!  She was telling me about her new boyfriend and that a church friend had said, “No offense, but your boyfriend is ugly.”  Why would someone say that?  It didn’t make sense; of course it was offensive and I’m sure it was said as an insult so why would it be compounded by lying and saying “No Offense?”

I was raised by a Dad who “Said what he meant and meant what he said.”  There was not a lot of “flowery” talk or drama and definitely no politically correct speech to soften the blow of word meanings.  My Dad was not a mean person and didn’t go around insulting people but if you ever felt offended or insulted by him, believe me it was INTENTIONAL and was not prefaced by “No Offense, but.”  So, although I didn’t always follow his lead, I learned that if you didn’t want to “own” your words, keep them to yourself and if you were going to speak be prepared for the consequence that would follow.

I began to think of the different ways we have learned to preface statements so that the insult or put down is softened and the risk of personal consequence is lessened.  There is, of course, “No offense, but" which translates, “I’m about to say something you will find offensive but you do not have permission to be offended.” Sometimes we use, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but.”  Obviously, we are about to say something ambiguous.  It might hurt the other person’s feelings but “I’m really saying this to help you,” so YOU need to listen with a “right” spirit.  My all time favorite “insult preface” is “With all due respect.”  The correct interpretation of this phrase is, “I really have NO respect for anything you just said and I am about to issue a correction.”  Other popular response prefaces include, “I probably shouldn’t say this, but,” “You may not like this, but,” or “I wouldn’t do that, but if you want to.” Now with social media, instead of prefacing our derogatory comments we add “LOL” at the end.  As if adding LOL takes the sting out of the insult or insulates you, the poster, from any fallout from the putdown you just issued.

Colossians 4:6 admonishes us to, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.”  You may argue that the prefaces you use are the “salt” spoken of in Colossians but you are forgetting the first part of the verse, “Let your speech always be with grace.”  GRACE SPEECH is always kind, is never rude, does not promote its importance over another, doesn’t hint at evil or provoke another.  GRACE SPEECH is always spoken in love and intended to encourage and lift up the other person.  GRACE SPEECH is GOD SPEECH.

OK, I’m repenting because I have been guilty of using some of these “Prefaces” with full knowledge that the statements following would tear down instead of build up, would discourage rather than encourage and would offend although I told them they had no right to be offended. GRACE SPEECH may not be your “native” language but it can be learned and with practice you can begin to speak it fluently.  It starts by training your mind;  Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. When all of things spoken of in Philippians sink deeply into your heart, your mouth will begin to speak things that are noble, just, pure, lovely and of a good report.

GRACE SPEECH, you can begin speaking it today!!!