WAITING ON THE DREAM-GIVER

What do you do, where do you go when all your dreams lay shattered and broken? You go back to the Dream-giver. This has been a very painful few months of confusion, self-doubt, loss and sadness but through it all, God has held me close.
Much has been written about the 5 stages of grief, I experienced them all as I looked down upon my dreams that had died before they ever fully developed. At times the stages of grief blurred into one big ball of pain, other times, I was able to deal with one symptom at a time.

DENIAL: For a time I denied the obvious signs that they were not going to blossom into the beautiful blooms I envisioned. It was just easier not to deal with the reality of the situation. I even quoted, “calling things that are not as if they are.” The buds had shriveled up on the stem and the leaves were wilted but maybe a little more water would turn things around. After all the watering and loving care, I had to face the truth; my dreams just were not going to survive.

ANGER: Anger can be soothing, a security blanket that places all responsibility on outside forces. It also prevents you from assessing the situation and making the necessary changes that allow you to reach for the new season. I am still angry at the damage Satan has inflicted on my dreams but I also realize that I am the only one that can give him control over my future. So the anger slowly morphs into sadness over what could have been.

BARGAINING: Oh yes, I went through the bargaining stage. This was the stage in which I thought I had the power to stop the inevitable. Maybe if I fasted more, spoke positive words, named and claimed my desires and rebuked the enemy that had come to destroy my dreams, I would wake up and everything would be perfect again. My power waned and the bargaining stopped when I acknowledged my weakness, His strength and finally placed it all in the hands of the Master.

DEPRESSION: The stage of depression actually came before the anger. I had never realized how depression can actually suck the very life from you. I was embarrassed to let anyone in on this stage. My husband, friends and family never knew the struggle that I sometimes faced to even breathe. I had always been the strong one, self-sufficient, needing no one but God to see me through. Suddenly, I felt helpless, nothing was working and although, God daily showered His love on me, He wasn’t fixing the situation. There were days that I would spend on my knees, crying out my pain to God. I would make myself go somewhere at least once a week, just to get out of the house; unfortunately my bank account usually suffered from those excursions. Although at times, the dark cloud of depression looms threatening on the horizon, with God’s love, I have been able to move on to the last stage; acceptance.

ACCEPTANCE: The final stage is a great gift from God. It is impossible for another door to open and God to bring a new dream into being until you realize the old dream is really dead; it cannot be revived and will never come to fruition. It must be allowed to teach its lessons, remembered with fondness and stay buried. As the Apostle Paul tells us in Philippians 3:13-14 “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

What do I do when my shattered, broken dreams have been buried? I go back to the Dream-Giver. His word has promised, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” (Psalm 37:4-5) I stand on the promises of a God who has never failed me. Once again I begin to praise, commit and trust but most of all, I wait on the Dream-Giver for the new dream.